First of all, let me apologise for being so distant lately. I’ve taken some time out and i've been thinking a lot about
things, in particular happiness and how one achieves it. Sadly, I had to bid farewell to my dog, a family member that I’ve had for over 15 years… I was left in a state of confusion, despair, and sadness. Although a significant and saddening event, worse loss can occur in an individuals life and as I was grieving I couldn't help but think, how does one be happy, in a time
of nothing but overwhelming despondency, when their mind is plagued by nothing but negative thoughts? I had to start at the basics, what actually is 'happiness'?
What is happiness? Is it family, is it friends, is it soul mates? is it eating wholesome nourishing food, is it having all the money in the world or is it all of this, put together? What exactly is this feeling, that so many people spend most their lives searching for and wanting? Buddha, the man himself, one said "a person may say, "I want happiness" but if that person, eliminates the self and desire, the “I” and the “want” are taken away, and they are indeed, left with just that, happiness" So in simpler terms, what does this means? It means instead of constantly thinking about wanting and needing this happiness, rather take initiative 'to be' happy. As Jules O’Neill says, “Your life is your creation” So you, and yourself only can create this 'happiness'.
In our lifetime, we will all go through a number of traumatic experiences, that will leave us, empty, broken and lost, some that will even leave us feeling like we can't get back up and pick up the broken pieces. We just have to remember, that our experiences do not make us who we are, it is rather how we choose to learn from and react to what is thrown at us, that does; Because ultimately you decide, with your thoughts, how you feel, what you want and whom you want to be.
When looking to choose this “happiness” I’ve learnt over time with everything I’ve gone through, that there are a few steps one must take. Your choices, thoughts and actions influence your level of happiness.
1. Believe you are worth happiness.
You probably all have heard the saying “Love yourself first” well, it is true, the mind is so powerful and if you believe you aren’t deserving of being happy or achieving the happiness you are designed to feel, then you wont, no matter what you do. So believe it. No matter what you have done, what has happened to your or how you are feeling right now, you need to know you are worthy of happiness, you are worth love and you are so deserving and worthy of feeling nothing but spectacular for the rest of your life.
2. Don’t worry about what is currently happening in your life; choose to see the brighter side of the picture and live in the present moment.
Don’t postpone joy, or waste Mondays wishing they were Fridays. Don’t wait till you are less busy or less overwhelmed with life’s duties to do something, because that “time” may never come. Rather live and appreciate everything you are experiencing right now, not worrying about the past or the future.
3. Be grateful and express gratitude for what you currently do have, rather then focusing on what you don’t have.
It’s so easy to move through life without realising how freaking great you have it. Often it takes something traumatic to happen to someone for them to become aware of just how much they are blessed in having. For example, at the darkest and saddest time of my illness, where death was literally staring at me right in the face... I hadn’t ever appreciated the small yet significant things that were apart of life and living, simple things we take for granted everyday, such as breathing and walking. Please do not wait for a wake-up call to make you appreciate every little thing life has to offer. Each day be grateful for something, you can start of small and then as time goes on work up to being grateful for bigger things. It can be anything, a good friend, a good meal, legs that function, or arms that move. Go to bed each night with gratitude on your mind.
4. Money really doesn’t make you happy nor does striving to meet society’s expectations
Yes it is a realistic goal to want money, as money makes life 'easier'. I hope to see myself in the future well off, enough money to be comfortable and to see what the world has to offer. But if I was without friends or family, pets or my sense of being, would money, or the “stuff” money could buy me, make me happy? No. People in today’s society constantly buy more and more “stuff” as they feel the “stuff” they previously purchased wasn’t the right “stuff” as it didn’t make them happy, or it only made them temporarily happy. People base happiness on many factors, a major and prominent one being, outer appearance. Girls and boys who have been influenced by society’s idea of “thin” have based their weight and how big the gap between their thighs is, on how happy they will be. To those dealing with or not dealing with an eating disorder, no matter how skinny you get, it will not make you happy. You have to have a healthy mind, before you can achieve anything close to happiness. Your body’s function is to be a home to your soul and mind. It doesn’t cultivate any emotional “feelings” that’s why you must nourish it with wholesome food. An enduring state of happiness is your choice, you have to work hard to achieve it, it won’t be achieved from things you buy or the way you look, its achieving by what and how you choose to think.
5. Forgive those who have mistreated you, in the past or currently and develop friendships that enrich your deepest being.
Holding onto grudges or not forgiving someone will do more damage to you, than the person. Forgive who ever mistreated you, for yourself and it will feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Not forgiving someone will be more detrimental to your physical and mental health then it would be if you swallowed your pride and forgave them. Surround yourself with positive people as if you surround yourself with people who bring you down, you are bound to feel negative and unhappy. Let go of negative relationships and invest in positive ones. Be friends with people who uplift you and compliment you. With the positive relationships you do have or are developing (whether that be friends or family) you really need to nurture them, as it’s easy to take them for granted. Let them know you love them, do nice things for them, speak kind words, display kind actions and be generous. Remember to be the friend you would want.
6. Thoughts lead to feelings. Eliminate and counteract negative thoughts.
As the saying goes “thoughts lead to feelings” what you think is how you will feel. When sad or negative thoughts pop up in your mind, begging for attention, counteract the thoughts with positive ones. By eliminating the negative, all you will be left with is the positive. Cultivate positive thoughts, start to see the glass half full rather than half empty, see the good in every situation. If you are feeling down about yourself, think about the good parts of you, as the good always out ways the “bad”. It may take time to achieve a positive outlook, so just make a conscious decision every day to banish more and more negative thoughts.
7. Lastly, find an activity that brings peace to your mind, and start to search for as well as understand your purpose.
Setting goals and aligning activities with these goals will make you feel like you have purpose and will ultimately boost your overall self-esteem. These goals can be anything, ranging from running 10km rather than 5km, choosing to become a vegan,setting a window of time each day to enjoy something you love (paining, writing, reading, etc) achieving a full head stand in yoga or even growing an organic gardens (TIP: Start of with caring for one plant, if you lead a hectic lifestyle like myself, you may find that you can't even look after a cactus) Find something you enjoy or something you want to work towards, ask yourself what you love and enjoy, and where you want to be in a year’s time.
Ultimately you choose your happiness. Your life is what you make of it, love
yourself first and know you are so deserving of feeling valued, worthy and loved, live in the present and be grateful
for what you have right now, forgive people, not for them, but for you, change
your mindset, counteract those negative thoughts with
positive ones, set goals for your self and find things you enjoy, and know in your
life, you can do anything you want to do. IF YOU BELIEVE IT AND WANT IT, YOU
CAN DO IT AND HAVE IT. Happiness is achievable! You just have to choose it. And I am choosing happiness.
Demi
